Over the years of trying to get pregnant and my two losses I sometimes had insidious thoughts, especially during the throes of disappointment after another fruitless two week wait. Or over the weeks months of hopelessness and futility following a miscarriage. The thoughts undermined my confidence, my positivity, my hope I have always held a […]
With my first pregnancy I was a bit anxious because it was all a new experience. But I was innocent enough to believe things would probably be fine, until it all went downhill at ten weeks. With my second pregnancy I was hyper-vigilant. I worried and over-analysed every symptom until we passed 14 weeks
Yesterday morning Mr Duncan was wittering on to me about a pair of his socks. Freshly laundered, he went to put them on and found them full of holes. This was no big surprise to me. I don’t know how he goes through socks as fast as he does, but he is regularly throwing
We arrived in Australia to start our new life today. Today was also Pipkin’s due date. I’ve always had a head for dates – remembering birthdays and anniversaries without any effort. I’m glad that I can make this date dual purpose – and bring some positivity to an otherwise sad association. I hope I can
Unhelpful thoughts I feel like the Sword of Damocles is hanging over my head. Yes,Â
Bedtime reading When I became pregnant the first time, Mr Duncan and I started a new practice in which he reads aloud to me in bed a couple of nights a week before we go to sleep. Mr Duncan can be a bit of a gadget addict and this was my way of trying to
Jersey Our trip to Jersey was great.  On one hand I felt very connected.  Maybe it was because Jersey reminded me of New Zealand – at least in its leafy greenness and closeness to the sea. On the other hand I felt a bit despondent.  Does this family line end with me?  Obviously their
After I lost Poppy, I think I also lost my self a little bit. I took only two days off work, during which I mainly slept, then threw myself back into activity. I said I was worried about getting bored, but maybe I was just doing anything I could to avoid acknowledging the enormity of
My scan after I lost Pipkin showed that there was retained tissue. Â The doctor advised I give it a few days to see if it would pass by itself and scheduled a scan for the following week. Â She said if there was still tissue then I’d need to have surgery to remove it. I’ve
A long, long time ago, Mr Duncan and I agreed we would move to Australia. We just needed to wait until his start-up company started doing well (we thought three years was reasonable), and he felt that it could continue to prosper without his daily supervision. Three years later I was climbing the walls in